MLM Directory

Does this sentence make sense?

"The target market of Anderson Corp. is females in their early 30s to mid 50s. Women in this age group generally watch TV channels tailored to them, such as ‘W’ and ‘The Shopping Network’. We must advertise not only our products, but also our role in increasing quality and safety in the making of our products" Is it coherent? How can I make it sound better? Thanks in advance.

Public Comments

1. very coherent
2. no, not good, try again, let me think on it "our role in increasing quality and safety in the making of our products" In other words, what role you play in the products you produce? How about, you produce it! How about your role in sweeping reforms in the industry, that would sound better and make more sense.
3. after the word " Corp " should be a comma instead of a period. everything else is fine (:
4. Makes lots of sense.
5. this needs fixing
6. Its really good Answer one of my questions if you can.
7. yes it is coherent, you just need a comma after corp
8. sounds like marketing speech to me
9. I think it sounds very coherent. Two grammer problems through. When you phrased, "The target market of Anderson Corp. is females in their early 30s to mid 50s. " It would sound better as, "The target market of Anderson Corp., consists of females mainly in their early 30s to mid 50s. " Also, a period should be at the end of your statement. As far as the rest, it sounds great. :-)