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Cant understand what to do? Help?

Cant understand what to do? I am 27 running.I am a Software Quality Assurance engineer with 4 years of experience. From the beginning of my career I wanted to do programming. But due to my closed nature and less knowledge of what works and what does not work in the world, I didn't learn any new language like Java during start of my career which could have given me a quick job. The market conditions and my personal condition (need for money) made me take up job as QA Engineer working with PERL as language. I have worked with PERL for 3.5 years uptill now. I have failed to realize what was needed for me and just worked like a DOG on office work ignoring personal things like exercise, phiscque, enjoymment, dating girls. I left my hometown 2 years ago and came to this metro for job as QA Engineer for an MNC. Here I proved myself and got switched from QA to Development to work in C++. But due to my improper upbringing & my mental condition (I struck to my principles to stand against this immoral manager & proved myself. I should have not have not involved so much and should have fought for my righ to switch. But this is the way I am not able to deal with politics or say I am not intelligent enough/avoided to do diplomacy), It took me 2 years for this switch when it should have taken 1.5 years. And in this period I worked devotely and didnt get time to study DEVELOPMENT which i always wanted to do. During the switch I gave up my promotion to Senior QA Engineer & hike of about rs 1lakh. In this 2 years, I have lost my good physique (I am VEG & leave alone & eat outside), started loosing my hair (due to water & conditions here) and have no friends in this city. On top of that after switching to DEVELOPMENT, unfortunately my anxiety & other conditions made me do a quick switch where there is NO work or very very little work. I miss my hometown badly, if I go to my hometown I will be able to enjoy good food, save further fall of my hair, have good company of friend, date girls. But the problem is that I will have to go back as QA Engineer. Life as a QA Engineer will leave me with the future scope of being a TEAM LEAD or MANAGER after few years. But I am poor in dealing with people although I am technically very strong. I have a very good belief and strong confidence that I am capable to much more than that. If I stay in this metro, I will be able to learn DEVELOPMENT in C++ (only when work is assgined to me) or I will have to do JAVA on my own and apply for QA positions where strong technical background is required (Eg Google). This is may take at least 6 months more. I have prepared but there was gap of 3 months in this due to my failure to deal with the girl I liked. I have screwed up very badly on that front since I always avoided people trying to be austere and focusing on work and studies. I didnt understand the importance of diplomacy I treated it as against my principles which I didn't leave at any cost. If I decide to be hardcore developer it will take atleast 1 years of good work. After that my experience will be 5.5 years (4.5 as QA ENGINEER & 1 as DEVELOPER) but the availability of work depends on the company (it will not take more than 2-3 months to get work). Also I think it will be difficult for me to stay in this metro, due to worry about me losing hair and not being able to socialize and date girls of my mother tongue. Anyway, in any case to go ahead in career I have to learn languages. See what I have done to myself. After sacrificing 2 years I am went with LOT of studies & struggle to do again sacrificing my personal enjoyments. I can end up in my hometown as QA Engineer, earn good salary & enjoy. But this will deprive me of this chance to get into GOOGLE as QA Engineer or be a DEVELOPER. I feel desperate that I need to network with people and have as much as interaction with them . I have realized this after I have screwed up to do even friendship with the GIRL who I searched for 2 years. Only now I understand the importance of socializing. MY IMPROPER UPBRINGING (closed nature to orthodox customs, lack of guidance & care ), FAMILY CONDITIONS HAVE ALWAYS MADE ME SACRIFICE for whatever I have achieved. I have payed heavily for whatever I have. This is always the case with me that I have to lead MISERABLE life to enjoy something / achieve something. Because I settle only for what I want & my level of thinking (maturity) is a hurdle in pursuing my goals. I KNOW I AM NOT MATURE FOR MY AGE, I ALWAYS BEAR VERY BAD EMBARRASSMENT WHEN I RY SOMETHING NEW. I fear I will loose my temper. I am embarrassed in NEW conditions What do I do? I never had any kind of support from my father & mother. They themselves are immature. Me being emotional, my father abused me by beating me and saying things that screwed my confidence. He deprived me of money & good clothes which I needed in order to socialize although he paid for my higher education

Public Comments

1. think ur selves.
2. you should find a good counselor. It sounds like a good therapy session would do you wonders. Work is not everything and it seems your issues cross all your boundaries. It is ok to ask for help. You made just improve more than your work problems. I understand personally how abuse at a young age can effect your whole life. I once heard you cannot fight a thought with a thought. You need to express yourself to some who will not judge you for you feelings. Do be afraid to ask for help. You may be surprised. Be proud of all your accomplishments but they are not all what life is about.
3. I'm sorry to hear about your upbringing, you did not deserve to go through that. I honestly think you would benefit from seeing a therapist -they can help you work through all of these problems until they are no longer a problem for you. Its hard when you leave your hometown and most people would struggle if in your position so its nothing to be embarrassed or scared of. I think you need to leave your current workplace if its making your hair fall out and making you this unhappy.
4. lol. this is a lie. 4 years is enough as an engineer by the way. Now either do mba or pmp and become a manager.
5. Better consult a Counsellor.