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Could someone check over my essay? Thanks a lot!?

I'm in Grade 12 English Please give some edits if needed and what do you think my score /6 would be? Keeping an Open Mind Allows for Growth Have you ever wondered how keeping an open mind has affected present-day life?  Well, it has allowed people to grow by developing their views, and improving their knowledge.  Society and its views are very complicated in nature, and it all depends on open minds and unbiased judgements in order to allow for growth since modern life is constantly changing with new ideas, trends, innovations, and technology.             When people allow their minds to be undogmatic, they allow themselves to see, observe, and compare new ideas to old ideas. For example, many people do not accept, or are not open to the idea of buying domestic and trans-border airplane tickets online because they are not willing to change or try a new method, or that they are afraid that someone will steal their credit card number through the internet.  However, if they were open to the idea of buying airplane tickets online, not only would they learn that it is generally safe, but they would save a lot of time, get a better deal, and save the $30 to $40 booking fee (since most airlines in North America do not pay commission to travel agencies). This is an example of something that has been created to help benefit the people, and if people don't give this method a chance, the people and the airline will not be able to grow and improve. If people were fair-minded to situations such as the one above and others, they could compare the ideas that are beneficial and discard the ones that are restraining their growth. Being unprejudiced in society has been essential. Accepting people of different race is an example of how society has improved and developed throughout time. Many years ago, discrimination against race was a serious issue and caused many people to be treated unjustly. However, as people learn that being prejudiced to such insignificant matters only cause more problems than what is gained from it, discrimination against race has considerably reduced. Technology is affecting the world and is an area that has flourished in part by thinking outside the box.  A good example is Apple's iPhone.  While other phone companies were focused on creating one type of phone, Apple came out with innovative ideas such as a multi-touch screen interface, the ability to download applications directly to the device, and many other features all at an affordable price. This has allowed them to dominate the smartphone market as every minute goes by.  Due to the success of the iPhone, every mobile device company is now competing with Apple. Interestingly enough, Apple has never competed in the phone market until the iPhone came out.               Having an open mind is absolutely essential for growth in ourselves and in the global society. Nations and its people are trying to improve its self by developing new ideas, and in order for them to succeed, people's minds need to be impartial. They must not allow ourselves to be held back by traditional or customary ideologies.

Public Comments

1. This essay is very informational + I liked the introduction and conclusion very neat i give you a 5.5/6 xD<3